


Broken Down to Nothing

by praisethewaifu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Ghosts AU, I wrote the song, I’m going to write more fanfics of this, Kanan sings to Dia and Mari, Mourning, Please pray for Dia, Previous character deaths, Ruby is trying to be supportive, Yoshiko contacts the dead?, depressed actually, dia is very sad, this is not the end of this au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-01-22 12:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12481084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/praisethewaifu/pseuds/praisethewaifu
Summary: Dia has lost everything besides her sister. She spends her days watching the television blankly and nights replaying past events she didn’t want to remember. One night, Ruby gets a phone call.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dia is very depressed in this, and Ruby does what she can as her sister

She awoke with a start, fumbling around in the dark for the lamp she knew was at her bedside table. When it flicked on, she gazed across the room as if looking for something. 

“Hello?” Her terrified voice rang through the almost empty manor. The little hairs on her arms stood erect. 

“Sis? Are you alright?” Someone asked from the doorway. The woman looks at her and nods. 

“Yes, Ruby. I apologize for waking you.” She forced herself to smile and lie back down, the light remaining on. Ruby, though, wasn’t having it. She saw through and walked over, tapping her shoulder. 

“Dia,” Ruby whispers, trying to shake her to attention. The raven-haired girl chose to ignore her. This seemed to only worry the younger sister even more. 

“You need to let them go, sister.” Ruby’s hands were now in the girl’s hair, sifting through it smoothly. “You can’t let it hold you back.” 

Dia, at this, sat up quickly and glared at her dear sister. Her oh-so-innocent younger sister, who wouldn’t say something to hurt her. Never. And yet, the retired student counsel president took the comment as something close to a threat. 

“Like hell I would forget them!” She was about to grab at her, but something stopped her. A physical or emotional force, she wasn’t sure. It stopped her. 

“Big sis.” Ruby was concerned, grabbing her wrists in case Dia had an episode. They became common after it happened. 

“No!” Dia pushed her away, getting up from the bed. “Stop!” She stomped over to her dresser, opening it roughly. Ruby ran over, getting over her initial shock and attempting to stop her sister from doing anything irrational. 

The older sister pulled out a picture frame, running a hand over the scene in the picture. Ruby stopped behind her, staring at it. She wondered why it was kept in the dresser and not on it, but she guessed it was because it brought up memories Dia couldn’t stand to remember in her daily routine; not that she had much of one. 

Nowadays, Dia sat at home. Her gaze would be on the tv, watching the news blankly as if she thought the people around her believed in her interest in it. It was nonexistent, and everyone saw through it. 

Ruby became more concerned as time went on; her older sister was broken. She was an empty shell, gliding through time. It was sad, seeing her like this. Dia used to be so strong, she led their school to victory as well as her friends. Beautiful as it was, it did come to an end. 

Ruby realized that Dia would never forget it. No, it’s engraved in her. Replaying over and over, as if a song on repeat. Torture is one way to put it, but Ruby knew better than that, she knew it was so much worse. 

The crumbling of Dia’s reality, the screams in the dead of night; it was effortless. There was not a single ounce of Dia in them, not one. She’s changed, and her younger sister is trying her hardest to fix her. The others didn’t like talking about it, they couldn’t bear seeing their passionate friend deflate like she had that night. 

“You need to let go, Dia,” Ruby whispered, wrapping her arms around her sister. Dia didn’t say a word, just shook her head as tears slid down her cheeks. “They’re gone.” 

The reaction was so fast, Ruby merely got vertigo. Dia had pushed her away, sneering at the sheer thought of forgetting her precious friends. 

It was more than that, though, wasn’t it? 

The three couldn’t define their relationship as a friendship, no matter how many times the Kurosawa parents denied it. Back then, they said it to be sinful. It left the mother’s lips the day before it happened. It left none of them afterward; no. The Kurosawas left, they’ve been gone for years. Some say it’s out of fear to face their child, and Ruby herself would be able to confirm it. 

Who could tell their child it is sinful to love two people that are dead? They could not, so they avoid it for the rest of their days. Dia only has Ruby now. She would never really understand it, though. She knew both girls due to Dia growing up with them, but that could not compare to the feelings Dia held for the two. 

Ruby knew of it, sure. The longing looks and prolonged touches. She saw it, but nobody spoke of it. It was a silent game of who would speak first. Of course, none of them ever did. 

A tragedy would be most fitting. Whenever the scene replayed on the television, Dia would silently shut it off and hide herself in her room, never coming out for days on end. 

“They’ll never be gone.” Dia put away the picture and closed the drawer, going back to her bed. Ruby took this moment to remember how dead her sister truly is. 

The room, that was previously covered in idol posters and decor, was now empty. Ruby could see the remains of the posters scattered along the walls, seemingly from the tape that said posters stuck to. 

“Sister...” Ruby went over to her, patting her head. “I love you.” She kisses her forehead and leaves the room, believing that Dia needed time on her own. 

She pulled out her phone, seeing a message from Hanamaru. It looked urgent, since there were not only a few messages, but also a call. So she returned the call. 

“Ruby!” Hanamaru sounds relieved when the phone picks up, which makes Ruby jump. 

“Y-yes? Maru-Chan?” 

“Something happened!” Ruby almost dropped the phone, fumbling with it for a moment before catching it finally and bringing it back to her ear. “Are you alright, Ruby-Chan?” 

“Yeah, I almost dropped my phone. What happened?” There was a silence, then some talking in the background. 

“Is Dia there?” A strange question, but Ruby answered nonetheless. 

“She’s in her room sleeping.” Another pause and more talking. 

“Okay, perfect.” There’s some static and then another voice sounds through the phone. 

“Ruby?” She sighs at the voice. 

“Yoshiko-Chan?” 

“Something happened tonight.” She was starting to get frustrated on the waiting. Why won’t they just tell her? 

“So I’ve heard.” 

Yoshiko snickers, and a slap is heard in the background before it stops. “Ow!” She cries. There’s more talking and then Yoshiko comes out with it. 

As she listens to what they have to say, she almost faints. She couldn’t believe the nonsense they spoke, but they have never lied to her. They wouldn’t. Best friends aren’t a title that Ruby just hands out. 

When they finished explaining, Ruby didn’t know what to do. She had to tell her, right? I guess that was a question for Ruby to answer, since she knew Dia the most. 

Ruby pondered this as she made breakfast that morning. She thought it over; the consequences to dropping this on her unsuspecting sister. She thought back to the conversation with her two friends and dreaded it. What was she to do? 

Dia walked into the living room then, emotionlessly sitting on the couch and turning on the news. 

“Good morning, Dia,” Ruby says, smiling. She was happy to see Dia, no matter how awful it felt to see the woman like this. 

“Good morning.” Dia sounded tired. So tired. Ruby didn’t want to do this to her own sister, but the more she hid it the guiltier she felt about hiding it. 

“Come have some breakfast,” Ruby insists, setting down a plate of pancakes on the dining room table. She doesn’t move. “We should talk.” 

“Nothing to talk about,” she responds. The younger sister walks over to her and sits next to her. 

“Please.” 

“I’m watching tv.” One can only take so much rejection from their own blood, and Ruby was wearing thin. 

“We both know you’re not actually watching it.” A pause. The air was so thick that Ruby could taste it. A noise was heard within the house, but they both ignored it. 

“What do you want, Ruby?” Now was her chance; she could spill all she was told in one single moment. It’d take just a second, but was it worth it? What would happen to her sister? What would happen to them? 

Dia sighed heavily, shutting the tv off. “Ruby.” At that Ruby hugged her, crying. Dia was confused, but it’s been months since she felt a real emotion, so she let the sadness fill her. “Why are you crying?” 

“I...” Ruby can’t speak. The words are stuck in her throat, she can’t say what’s on her lips. It would break Dia’s heart. It will break her heart. 

Unfair is what it would be if Dia didn’t know, though. So, as Ruby looked up at her dear older sister, she spilled what could only be the epitome of Dia’s life. 

“Maru-Chan called,” she starts, finding the nerve to look her sister in the eyes. “Yoshiko-Chan has been contacted.” She grabs Dia’s hands. The older one was confused as to what her younger sister was spewing, but knew that she’d pull through and explain. 

“Sis... It was Mari.” The emotions playing on her face were surreal. Her eyes weren’t blurred over, she was no longer gazing into space. Ruby now had her full attention. “Mari-San is looking for you.” She played with Dia’s thumbs. “Kanan-San is also on the search for you.” It was silent for many moments before Dia spoke.

“No, they’re dead,” she says, her voice monotone. 

“They’re just as lost as you are, big sister.” Ruby tries to pull her into a hug, but Dia stands up and storms to her room. 

“Stop trying to help, okay? You don’t need to make shit up to make me feel better.” That stung. The younger of the two will feel that for the rest of her life. It hurt to hear that. It was painful. 

“Dia!” She yelped, tripping on her way to running over to her. Dia stopped for a moment, then closed the door of her room behind her. 

Despite the clear rejection, Ruby went to the door and knocked gently. “It’s all true, Dia. They’re looking for you! They want to talk to you!” Silence. “They can’t rest, they haven’t, since that day. They’re lost in time because they can’t find you.” This comment brought Dia back. 

“Me?” 

“Yes.” The door creaked open, she only looked out a little. 

“Where do I find them?” Ruby slowly pushed at the door, and Dia opened it fully for her to see. 

“Yoshiko knows where, we can go and see them today.” Ruby was hoping Dia would go along with it. The black-haired woman needed to see them again, she knew this. Per usual, Ruby was right. Dia nodded, stepping out of her room. 

“Now?” Dia nodded again to confirm, grabbing her jacket.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the most thought-out scene I’ve ever written and the most emotional. Get ready for that angst but also the happy times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saddle up and get ready for this emotional rollercoaster

The walk was quiet, none of them felt the need to speak. Dia was starting to get nervous, afraid of what her childhood friends would say to her after the events. It was pitiful, she knew that. She lived and breathed today because she knew that’s what they’d want. 

Although, as time goes on, she finds it less and less worth it. Is this just a waste of her time? Is it a lost cause? What would they say to her? She didn’t know. To cower because of this would be completely shameful, though.

As she stood in front of the apartment of her friends, she fiddled with her thumbs. She would not force herself to relive their deaths. By the looks of it, though, she had to. Confrontation is what this is all about. 

After a few knocks Hanamaru answers the door, surprised to see me. No questions as she shuffled us in, though. The apartment is cozy, but the air is so thick. 

“Yoshiko-Chan! They’re here!” Hanamaru yells across the living room, and a crash could be heard in another room. 

“I’m coming!” More crashes are heard before a door is opened and out steps Yoshiko into the living room. She looks a little ruffled, but nobody comments on it. 

Ruby hugs them both, but Dia stays stationary. She doesn’t dare move, in fear of disturbing the heavy air around her. Is that too insane to think? 

“Dia wants to see them,” Ruby says, placing a hand on Dia’s shoulder. “I told her everything.” They all were at an agreement on this, since Yoshiko silently walked to the couch as if she’s prepared this for weeks. 

“So, you want to see your friends again?” Yoshiko asks, then pauses, but has the most mischievous look on her face. “I say friends, but I really mean girlfriends.” After she said it, she yelped and started mumbling under her breath to someone who wasn’t there. 

The comment got Dia thinking, though. What were they? Before they died, they were all tightly knit. It was no secret that they shared everything together. They were so close. What Yoshiko said didn’t scare her, it intrigued her. 

“They’ve been wanting to see you,” Yoshiko says, motioning everyone over to the couch. When everyone sits, she continues. “They’re nervous.” 

“Why?” Dia asks, looking around the room. “Are they here?” She was getting anxious. 

“Yeah, and they want to talk about that night.” Nobody thought the air could get any thicker. Dia begged for it not to be true. 

“No.” Rejection was all Dia’s mind told her. She couldn’t possibly speak of it. “I can’t.”

“Mari!” Yoshiko yelled suddenly as her hand seemingly flew to be right in front of Dia’s face. It was quiet for a moment while her fingers started moving a bit, and then they stopped once there was satisfaction. Which, of course, was Yoshiko flipping Dia off. 

Dia almost stood, but Ruby placed a hand on her thigh. “Don’t, Sis.” Hanamaru giggles while Yoshiko was quick to explain herself. 

“I swear that wasn’t me! It was Mari! She thinks your refusal is lame!” Dia almost stood again at her old friend’s name, but Ruby this time wrapped her in a hug. 

“Behave,” she warned, trying to calm her down. Dia only frowned and looked away. 

“Tell them to show themselves,” Dia requests, trying to keep her voice at bay. 

“They want to hear how you’ve been doing first.” It’s understood that they were trying to be supportive, but Dia had nothing to tell them. She hasn’t accomplished a single thing since their deaths. Not one. She’s been blinded by their absence in her life that functioning regularly wasn’t an option. Her love was stronger than anyone could’ve imagined. 

“There’s nothing to say,” Dia speaks in a monotone. Everyone in the room stayed silent, as she had more to say. “I haven’t accomplished anything, I can’t move on.” She was choking up, remembering all the lonely nights. “I won’t move on, I need you in my life.” She grabbed Ruby’s hand tightly, trying to find comfort in anything she can. 

“To be fair, they haven’t exactly accomplished anything either,” Yoshiko says lightheartedly, but Dia freezes at it. How could Yoshiko know that unless she’s talked to them for awhile? 

“What?” Dia stands, getting ready to pounce on her. How could Yoshiko keep this from her? “How long have you been talking to them?” 

It was that moment that Yoshiko realized her mistake. “What? No, wait-“ Yoshiko tries, but Dia sprints to her. 

“I can’t believe you would fucking-“ Yet, as Dia was about to really give it to her, something stopped her. Something was actually a someone, as that someone made themselves visible. She was revealed to be Kanan. 

Kanan hugged Dia tightly, pressing her away from Yoshiko. “Dia, stop!” The voice alone would’ve got Dia, but with the added fact that it was Matsuura Kanan saying it made her almost die on the spot. 

Dia couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Kanan was here? She could see her? A miracle one would say, but everyone else in the room knew it to be fate. There was not a single group closer than the three childhood friends in this room. 

“Kanan-San?” Dia was merely speechless, tears running down her cheeks easily. How could this be? “Y-you’re... Dead...” Kanan pulled back to look her in the eyes. 

“I am,” she confirms, patting the other’s head. “I’m here, Dia.” She could feel her. Her Kanan; who she used to play games with. Even though she was happy, a part of her was still empty. The part where Mari is supposed to be. Kanan spoke this discomfort first. 

“It’s weird, huh?” She asks, looking across the apartment. “Being so empty for so long changes a person.” She chuckles. “Mari, shut up.” Dia perked up. 

“Where’s Mari?” She looks around, trying to find her other childhood friend. Kanan smiles. 

“She’s behind you. She wants to know if you can feel her.” Dia paused all thoughts and movement, waiting for a familiar touch. Though, as she waited, she just wished Mari would show herself. 

Seconds later, she felt the smallest of touches on her waist. The Kurosawa sister jumped, frozen in her position. She heard a tiny whisper in her ear, but she couldn’t make out what was said. It was Mari. 

“I want to see you, Mari,” Dia says, reaching behind herself to try and feel for the blonde. Yet, she felt nothing. “Why can’t I see you? Where are you?” She needed to know Mari was here. 

Kanan placed a hand on her shoulder, a look of sympathy on her face. “She’s afraid.” The statement angered Dia more than anything. 

“Afraid of me? Come on, Mari! You have nothing to be afraid of!” She turned around, looking in the direction Mari was before. “This is ridiculous! I’ve waited years!” 

Eventually Kanan shushed her, as if Dia was disrespecting Mari in some way. 

“Dia...” She whispers, hugging her from behind. “Mari, um...” Kanan sighs, not sure how to explain such a thing without Dia going off. “When someone dies, their scars remain.” The dark-haired girl still didn’t understand. So what? She’s seen Mari’s scars before, they’re little to none. 

“I don’t care about her scars.” After that was said, Yoshiko stepped up to Dia and shook her head.

“Dia-San...” Hanamaru also looked sad, and quickly left the room to make everyone some tea. The brunette knew what was coming and wasn’t about to be there for it. “Mari got shot in the neck.” A distant memory, and yet it was the only memory Dia didn’t want to remember. 

It was so clear, too. She saw it, up close and personal. Mari was right there, hugging her, protecting her. It was so stupid, and yet Mari would not let up. It was the saddest of tragedies, too. 

She didn’t ask for Mari to protect her that night, no. She did it on her own, she took the blow for her. Why, though? 

She never got an explanation for that night. She never got closure. Mari and Kanan did what they had to do, and took care of business while Dia watched. It was sickening. 

“I was there, I know what happened.” Did Yoshiko think she was stupid? 

“She still has it, Dia,” Kanan says, her voice cracking. “A fresh scar, and Mari doesn’t want you to see it.” Truly a tragedy is all Dia could think. She didn’t care for her scars, she just needed to see Mari again. 

“I don’t care, I need to see her,” Dia pleaded, looking around the room. “Mari! Show yourself!” Kanan forcibly turned her around, making Dia face her. 

“Look!” Kanan yells, lifting her shirt to show her childhood friend. Dia gasped at the sight. 

A scatter of wounds, the count must be four, but she was getting too dizzy to count it. Her mind wanted to believe her eyes were deceiving her, but she knew this not to be true. 

She placed a hand on Kanan’s stomach, feeling the bumps that the wounds left behind. Flashbacks of that day flooded through Dia’s mind, but Kanan shook her shoulders before she could drift too far. 

“These scars...” Dia mutters, feeling them. Her eyes burned into Kanan’s very core. “Can you still feel them?” The subject was a sensitive one, the ghost didn’t know how to cope with the memories that sprung. 

“Every day that I didn’t see you,” she whispers, sliding her hand through Dia’s hair. “The pain was unbearable, Dia. They’re a reminder of what I gave up, what I left behind.” 

At this point, Hanamaru and Ruby had sunken into the couch, trying to stay out of their way. Yoshiko looked concerned, but didn’t speak. 

Dia was choking up at this point, pent-up emotions coming to the surface. “Kanan... You did what you could.” Everyone heard a cry somewhere in the room, but Kanan and Dia didn’t stop having their moment. 

“It was a waste, I didn’t even save Mari!” She cried, bringing both fists down onto Dia. Last second she caught herself and lost all solidity, her fists going right through her childhood friend. 

“Stop that!” Dia scolded, rolling her eyes. “Maybe you didn’t save Mari, but everyone else is safe because of you!” She tried hugging Kanan, but her arms just went right through. “Please don’t go, I need you!” Dia was so desperate for that contact, to be able to feel them again. The thought of Kanan disappearing again made her nauseous. 

“I didn’t do shit! Mari is dead and you got shot!” Everyone in the room heard that, every person. It was clear as day, and the three younger girls were so shook by this that they all contemplated on leaving the room so the older ones could have a private conversation. They all couldn’t bring themselves to move. 

Dia froze at the mention of her wound, unconsciously running her own hand over the scar in her shoulder. How could Kanan blame herself? 

“Kanan!” Finally, Dia felt the smallest of closure when the voice rang among everyone in the room. It was twisted, morphed into a mixture of two voices that didn’t match. Every person in the room turned to Yoshiko, who spoke with a similar voice of an old friend. 

Her eyes flashed and anger went across Yoshiko’s face. “What did I say about possessions!” Kanan’s body solidified again, and she looked around. 

“What? You can’t deny what is the truth!” She yelled, her hands curled into fists. “I could’ve saved both of you!” 

When it did happen, nobody expected what they saw. The mess that appeared in front of Kanan and Dia was pitiful; as well as sad. The ugly scar of a bullet wound was engraved into Mari’s neck, which was visible to everyone in the room. She was so far gone that she no longer cared. 

“How could you say that? You saved Dia! We saved Dia!” She stepped in between Dia and Kanan, getting into the latter’s face. “Dia is alive! Maybe she got injured, but she’s still here!” 

A slap rang throughout the room, and nobody could deny the anger spread across Kanan’s features. Not a single person had seen her so mad. 

“Dia has the memories! She’ll never be the fucking same! Yoshiko has told you this! We both know Dia has been suffering alone! We haven’t been there for her!” She grabbed Mari’s collar, pulling her face close to her own. “I know you can feel how weak she is, Mari.” Dia felt a bit violated by this statement, but tried to ignore the feeling. 

“Then why didn’t you go see her, Kanan? Why did you stay here and not leave? What is stopping you?” Mari was irritated, ready to snap at how stupid she believed Kanan was acting. 

“I fucking can’t!” She pushed Mari away, growling. “I’m bound to your soul! I cannot leave unless you do!” It changed the situation; Mari froze in place and her features lost that same anger she had moments ago. Instead, it was replaced with confusion. “You are the one that didn’t want to see her! I’ve been forced to stay because I have to remain with you!” Tears started streaming down Kanan’s face, a cry of desperation leaving her. “It’s not fucking fair!” She exhaled heavily. Dia was scared for what was to come, and shocked by the events now unfolding. Mari didn’t want to see her? 

“I...” Mari started to silently and inwardly panic, her hands shaking and reaching out for Kanan. “You’re bound to me?” At this Kanan rolled her eyes, and with little hesitation placed a hand on the back of Mari’s neck to pull her in. 

When their lips met, everyone but Yoshiko was shocked, gasps following the connection between the two. In seconds, it was a desperate reach for each other. Kanan’s hands were seemingly feeling around Mari’s back, while Mari placed both hands on the back of Kanan’s head and kept her lips pressed to hers. It was so passionate that Ruby and Hanamaru had to look away, feeling embarrassed by the raw emotions being revealed to them. 

It was almost jealousy, Dia was thinking. She felt an emotion, it wasn’t jealousy, though. It was happiness, but it was also envy. Envy for both of them, though, which made no sense to her. Her childhood friends were kissing in front of her in the most desperate of ways, while she watched as if she were a pervert. She was not such, but she could not tear her eyes away. 

When they pulled away it was evident of the change between the two. A certain passion; a love only understood by one outsider, one that had so many emotions running through her right now that she could barely keep her composure. 

“It’s painful to leave you,” Kanan whispers, caressing Mari’s face. “I feel it in my whole being when I get too far away.” Dia feels it, too. The desperate nights she went through when she’d stay seated beside her window as if she expected them to walk right in was proof of it, she was sure. 

“You really feel that way?” 

Kanan almost cut Mari off, but waited till she was done. “I’ve always felt this way.” She grabbed Mari’s hands, swaying them back and forth. It was strange, but this only made Dia feel happy. She felt so happy for them, but she also felt so lonely. 

“Do you feel that?” Kanan asks Mari, looking around the room. “Who’s that coming from?” When they both scanned everyone, their gazes landed on Dia. Mari tilted her head, while Kanan’s face scrunched up in slight confusion. 

“Dia?” They let go of each other, scanning the woman’s body for something that was unknown to everyone else. Did they feel the emotions running through her? Could they put a name to it? Could they help her with it? Heal the very wounds that stuck to her when they had yelled at each other? 

“What?” Her response was lame, but what else could she say? This caused them to look at each other, a secret agreement happening between them. Nods were exchanged and their gazes returned back to Dia. They were softened. 

“That night,” starts Mari, voice barely trembling. Dia immediately stopped her there. 

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it,” she accuses, almost in an angry tone. Mari ignored it.

“I died in your arms,” she shot back, the inevitable being said aloud. It was almost comforting, but it was unsettling for two of the three onlookers. 

“Mari died in your arms?” Ruby asks, looking at her sister as if betrayed. How could Dia have told? How could the words leave her lips without reliving every event that happened that night? 

“I died hugging Dia, her face was the last thing I saw before I departed.” Tears welled in Dia’s eyes, the memory of seeing and feeling Mari for the last time haunted her. 

Mari lifted Dia’s chin, shaking her head. “Stop with that. Do you remember the last thing I said?” Dia tried looking away, but Mari’s grip tightened. “What did I say, Dia?” Her struggle was futile, as Mari’s strength as one of the dead was strong. 

“You said you loved me and Kanan,” she sobbed out, trying to push Mari away without success. 

“Stop pushing me away and face what you’ve been avoiding all this time,” Mari demands, letting her hands slide down Dia’s face and down her shoulders, gripping them. Dia looked up just as Mari tilted her head back, giving her a clear view of the nasty scar on her neck. Dia wanted to look away, but she knew she couldn’t. 

“Mari, you’re gonna hurt her,” Kanan warned, starting to step in. Yoshiko put a hand in front of her, though, shaking her head silently. She understood. 

Dia allowed her hand to travel across the scar, trying to hold back the vivid memories of the very cause of it. How it haunted her, Mari would never understand. “We are connected by these scars of ours,” Mari whispers, stroking the scar on Dia’s shoulder. “It went right through me, huh? I’m ashamed that I couldn’t stop it.” She leans forward to leave a kiss on the other’s shoulder, lingering for a moment as she felt the warmth of her childhood friend. 

“Stop it, you were enough,” Dia says, emotions flooding through her all at once. She no longer knew of these emotions, could not identify her feelings. “You took a bullet for me, I didn’t even see you run to me.” 

“It was automatic when he pointed the gun at you.” Mari started to sniffle, trying to hide the river of pain that was ready to flood her. 

“I would’ve rather died than have had you die in my arms.” Dia leaned forward to return the kiss, her lips grazing the scar on Mari’s neck. “Because I did die that day.” Before Mari could deny it, Dia pulled her in, getting her into a tight hug and burying her face into where neck meets shoulder. “The absence of you both has left a hole in me.” She lets out a heavy breath. “Bigger than any wound on my body.” After it was said, nobody could speak against it. Everyone knew that she hadn’t been the same since the two died. As heartbreaking as it was, at the time nobody thought they’d reunite. 

“Dia,” Mari tries getting through, unsure of how to the girl’s attention. She could not take back the memories. “I love you.” Ruby’s eyes got huge, surprised and embarrassed by this display. Hanamaru raised an eyebrow, and Yoshiko mumbled an “oh my god.” What was going on? “Ever since that night I have drifted through time, on this endless hunt. And while I did have Kanan, she’s only half of what I need.” She sighed, looking over at Kanan sadly. “I love her, too, but I cannot have one without the other.” She pulled back a bit from the hug, looking into Dia’s eyes. “I have to tell you something, Dia-Chan.” 

She gulped at hearing the name. Although she loved it, the way it rolled off of Mari’s tongue so easily, it still felt like there was more behind this. What was going on? 

“Go ahead.” 

Mari then smiled, glancing at Kanan before leaning her forehead against Dia’s. “Me and Kanan are dating,” she says. It was so blunt that at first Dia didn’t believe her. How? When? Have they always been romantically involved? “Dia, Kanan’s my girlfriend.” The more she said it the more Dia believed it. She’s never felt so hopeless. None of them can love her now. 

For a moment she thought she’d faint, but she held herself. When she was fully composed she soon realized how close their lips were. The scary part was when Mari was starting to close in, moving so their lips were almost touching. 

Before she could connect them, though, Dia pushed her away. “What the fuck are you doing?” She questions, her shoulders becoming tense from the situation. 

“What does it look like?” Mari asks, raising an eyebrow. “Um...?” She was dumbfounded. What did Dia expect from her? 

Dia’s gaze lands on Kanan, who looks guilty. Why? She couldn’t figure it out with just looking, though, and didn’t expect herself to. “She’s your girlfriend, why are you letting her do this?” Dia was heated. Angry. A little jealous. 

Kanan stared blankly for a few moments, her shoulders eventually collapsing due to the stress of this all. This is a mess. “Dia, this is gonna sound ridiculous.” At this point, all Dia wanted was answers. 

“Explain.” 

Mari stepped back, looking down and avoiding all contact with anyone. Kanan spoke after a few moments of observing this behavior. “When a person dies their soul reveals the things most important to them, and they relive all their memories in one go.” Her smile starts to fade. “I figured out I’m bound to Mari through this, since it’s painful to leave her side. But at the same time, I’m still in constant pain.” Mari looks hurt at this. “It’s not that she isn’t enough, it’s just that she isn’t the only piece to my puzzle.” Is this what hope feels like? After so long of not feeling such, Dia couldn’t possibly know. “My soul is bound to two people.” Tears are streaming down Mari’s face, and no one knows why. “The moment you stepped through that door, I no longer felt pain.” Gasps rang throughout the room, from everyone besides Yoshiko, who already knew of this revelation. A turn of events this is. 

Anger coursed through Kanan. “Do you know what it feels like to be bound to two people, only to be forced to stay with just one? I couldn’t take it! Every moment I spent without you was a moment of suffering! All I needed was to know you were okay! I wanted to see you! Touch you! Know you are here!” She glared at Mari. “But instead I was imprisoned.” 

Before Mari could flip her shit, Dia let out a rogue sob. It stopped the blonde in her tracks, while everyone had their eyes on the Kurosawa. She was tired, so tired of not being able to hold them both. She’s exhausted from the fighting, the bickering. She wants to be in peace with her childhood friends. 

Mari decided to finally speak, more gently than what she would’ve spoken previously. “I’m bound to Dia, too.” A sigh, more lonely than the look on her face. Dia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was this some weird way of them confessing something? 

“Then why stay away?” Kanan interrogates her lover, feeling a bit betrayed by the other’s claim. 

“I’m no hero, Kanan,” Mari says, avoiding everyone in the room. Her isolation didn’t go unnoticed. “You saved a whole concert of people, seven of those people being our best friends.” She kicked at the ground. “You had four bullets in you and you still restrained the guy.” 

“Love does that to a person.” 

“I couldn’t even successfully save Dia, she’s got a scar to prove it!” Mari finally made eye contact with Kanan, who was shocked to hear this from her. “You’re a savior to thousands, and I didn’t even save a single person. Your soul is pure, while mine is clouded with a sadness so strong it wears off on others.” A pause. “I hate myself for not being able to keep everyone safe. To keep you safe.” 

“That’s not true!” A voice interrupted, and when everyone looked over they were shocked to find it was the younger Kurosawa. “It’s just not!” She pushes passed Hanamaru and stands in front of Mari, shaking her head. “You did save sis!” Not a single person in the room knew what she was talking about. “I was the only one told this, and I had kept it from everyone until now because I didn’t know how to say it.” Anticipation flowed through the room. What was Ruby possibly hiding? 

“The doctors told me that it was a miracle,” she started, fiddling with her thumbs. “Mari, show your full scar, please.” She obliged, quite shy, as she pulled down her shirt to reveal a line of scar tissue starting from the middle of her neck and ending at the top of her chest. “See that? That shows that the shooter was at such an angle to you that the bullet skimmed the edge of your skin.” Ruby inhaled, mentally preparing herself for the final reveal. “If it kept on track like it did, the bullet would’ve pierced through Dia’s chest and stopped midway due to the distance that the shooter was at. It didn’t happen that way, though, because since he shot from so far away, the bullet was losing enough momentum that when it collided with your collarbone, it ricocheted off course and hit her shoulder instead.” A rollercoaster of a memory it was, as Mari gazed at her own scar and recognized that her collarbone was a bit messed up. Of course it was, it was broken. 

Everyone was speechless. What were the chances of that happening? How could that be achieved? Was Mari some sort of wizard? 

“I saved Dia?” Mari asks, even though it was just answered. It didn’t need to be repeated. It was a silent answer. Her features lit up, and her energy returned enough to lift Dia’s spirits. 

Dia, on the other hand, was reaching for the two ghosts, desperate to feel their touch. She didn’t deserve to wait much longer for them, she’s been waiting way too long. 

When the three of them were in a hug, their peers felt relieved. The three finally met again, they’re okay. It’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is all fluff, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan still feels empty, she feels something is missing between her and her childhood friends.

Dia awoke with a start, reaching around desperately for the light. Another night, another nightmare. Nowadays, it’s normal. What wasn’t normal was that when she reached for her lamp, her hand hit something soft. 

Memories flooded back and she sighed with relief, smiling. The soft thing started shuffling underneath the covers, and then a head peaked out. 

“Are you okay?” A voice whispered, and Dia felt so warm. 

“I feel much better knowing I have you,” she responds, reaching over and placing a hand on Kanan’s cheek. She felt an arm wrap around her from behind and giggled. “Both of you.” 

She forgot what it felt like to have somebody by her side that wasn’t her sister. Dia used to be so alone, and now she was haunted by two ghosts. Amazing how that works out, huh? 

“Did you have a nightmare?” Mari asks, curling into her childhood friend. 

“Yeah, I did.” Admitting to it wasn’t all that bad, but that’s alright. 

It was decided that it was morning enough for Dia to get up and go shower. She grabbed all she needed and breathed in the hot air of the bathroom. Man, did she love the warmth it radiated. It wasn’t as warm as other things, but Dia decided that it can’t be helped. 

When she slipped in she felt the everlasting presence of someone being in the room with her, so she sighed and opened her curtain. She caught a flash of someone, but it quickly disappeared. Dia was almost frustrated by the amount of times this has happened. 

“I know you guys are in here,” she says, looking around for them. When they reveal themselves, Kanan looks guilty and Mari has the biggest smirk on her face. 

“Sorry, we like being close to you,” Kanan says, trying to defend herself. Dia understood it, the closer they were to her the more uneasy she felt about her life. 

“I know, but this is kind of an invasion of privacy.” She closes the curtain and continues showering, wiping away at her skin. 

“We haunt you, after all,” Mari points out, snickering. Dia shakes her head at this, knowing that they could contain themselves if they wanted to. She almost enjoyed their company, though, despite her privacy not really existing anymore. 

“I know you guys can tone it down.” She said it in the best of ways. To hurt their feelings would hurt her. 

“We don’t want to lose you again.” It was sweet, there’s no denying that. Also strange, though, since Dia cannot say what they really are. Ever since that day they avoided discussing it. It would be weird to tell people you’re in a relationship with two ghosts. That may be a reality, or so she hoped. 

“I’m not gonna hurt myself showering.” Dia scoffs, shutting off the water and pulling the curtain back just enough so she could look out. “Now get out.” Kanan wanted to say she can’t, wanted to speak her mind after the days of loneliness she spent without Dia by her side. What would she say, though? There’s this obvious thing that they’re all avoiding, and Mari won’t talk to her about it and denies any feelings she has about the subject. What was Kanan to do? 

And yet, she had no words to say. So she left the bathroom, dragging Mari with her. Regret formed within, despair of a time that is to come. Kanan wanted nothing more than to be as one with them, but Mari acts as if she isn’t aware of these feelings, and Dia is almost angry of these feelings. 

What is a girl to do? She believes there is something more, but why won’t they allow something to bloom? 

When they made it to the living room she floated onto the couch, pulling Mari next to her. Could she possibly talk to her about it? 

She placed a hand on Mari’s, smiling nervously toward her childhood friend. “Mari,” she starts, running her thumb across her palm. “Can we talk for a second?” Kanan was trying to be serious, but all Mari could do in response is laugh it off. 

“Oh, Kanan, you’re always trying to be so serious.” She levitates above the couch, floating toward the kitchen to probably grab a snack. The longer they didn’t talk about this, the more Kanan was drifting into the darkness. What was she to become if these feelings weren’t spoken aloud? Does evil await her? 

When Dia walked into the room, time froze for her, if only for a moment. She wants nothing more than to reach out, beg for her to understand the pain that is everlasting in her soul. Of course Dia would understand, she spent years alone in a world where everyone spoke of her but not to her. 

“Is Mari in the kitchen again?” And then it became so real. They all lived together in a harmony none of them have felt for years. They could not fix what was broken, but could simply mend them. This was okay. They were okay. Even though it didn’t feel like it was enough. 

“Yeah, she misses eating,” Kanan humors, chuckling. It was real, even with the pit in her heart that would remain till they spoke of the unspeakable. Even if it was forbidden, she wanted the words to spill from her lips. 

“She’s gonna gain weight-“ Dia paused at her mistake, shaking her head. For that quick second, she had a something unreadable flashing in her eyes, but it was gone before Kanan could question it. “I... I mean, she’s a ghost. She doesn’t need to eat.” 

When Mari returned, she had a muffin in her mouth. She grabbed the remote for the tv and clicked it on, flipping through channels. Dia sat in between the two. 

Humor? Maybe coincidence? She wasn’t sure. When Mari switched to the news, an awful video recording of a familiar song played. Mari recognized it and dropped the remote in a short panic. The first gunshot went off. Screams within the stadium. Blood. So much blood. 

A news person spoke over the video, saying how much of a tragedy it was, giving thanks to the two people who lost their lives that night. A sick joke is the only thing it could be called. 

It was over, though, as the moment Ruby entered the room she ran to the dropped remote and shut the television off. Dia wasn’t okay, tears going down her face from probable PTSD. Her mind was in shambles, reaching for people that weren’t there. Except they were. They were dead, but still there. 

“What’s wrong with you? Why would you show that to her?” Ruby sounded more angry than she’s ever been. She’s never raised her voice so much to Kanan nor Mari. It was shocking. “How dare you!” She hugged Dia, who was now unresponsive to the world. 

Ruby demanded they retire for the night, so they did. She wouldn’t let them go near Dia, so they had to sleep in a guest room on the opposite side of the house. She was really angry, wasn’t she? 

While Mari grumbled and went to lay in bed, browsing the internet on a phone Dia had lent them, Kanan sat at the desk in the room with a paper and pen. She thought that if her childhood friends were haunted by the music of that night, then she’d create a memory of music that would overcome the sadness they all felt for the last song Aquors sang. 

She titled this song “A Forbidden Feeling”.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where it all comes together. The song lyrics are written by me

Mari looked outside, noticing that it was getting light out. She’s been browsing the internet, spreading memes the best she could. Ghosts can be funny, too. Even though she was doing something that was so funny, she couldn’t help but keep glancing at Kanan the whole night, confused as to what the woman was doing. Her hand wrote words on a paper, one that Mari herself could not read. As a ghost, Kanan could make her writings private. So she did. 

 

That didn’t mean that Mari wasn’t dying to know what she was writing about. It was eating away at her. What was she hiding. 

 

By morning, Kanan left the room. Mari wanted to follow, but the aura she was radiating was so intense that, even with her zero impulse control, she didn’t go. It still left the question as to what was going on. 

 

Before there was a discussion, she heard talking. At first, a voice. It sounded angry, maybe passive-aggressive. Then it eventually subsided when another voice pitched in and overpowered the voice. 

 

“I need this! Please! Just bring her out to me!” The voice, now recognized as Kanan’s, pleaded. It seems like the other person, who Mari could assume is Ruby, finally gave in and allowed it. 

 

“And what will you do? Taunt her with the same stuff you have been? You know how that affects her!” Ruby scolds, which brings Mari to get up and drift into the hallway where they were speaking. Ruby looked flustered, while Kanan looked desperate. Could she recover from seeing that video with Dia? Was it really their fault for this? 

 

When Kanan deemed herself not the issue and the media being the issue, she spoke again. “I wasn’t taunting her, I just…” She sighed, finally looking up to see Mari standing there. “I need her to hear this.” 

 

“Ruby,” Mari interrupts, placing a ghostly hand on her shoulder. “Go wake Dia up and bring her out here.” The younger woman wasn’t sure at first, but the blonde was so genuine about it. The look on her face and features were true, so Ruby stepped away and into Dia’s bedroom. While she did, Kanan walked to the living room. The blonde followed, unsure of what was going on. 

 

Kanan pulled out a cellphone, one that Mari recognized as Ruby’s, and dialed a number. At first, when the person picked up, they were confused and afraid that something may have happened to Dia. Kanan shushed the person, asking for something. There was an understanding of some sort, and then they hung up. 

 

The diver, once hearing a door opened, pressed something on the phone. Music started to play, a gentle rhythm from a skilled pianist. It was beautiful, but there was a sadness behind it that Mari couldn’t predict. And then she did. Once she saw the dark-haired girl approach them from the bedroom, Kanan did something that the group hasn’t even thought of doing since that night. 

 

_ “For a few years I’ve lost myself _

_ My mind falling into a darkness” _

 

Dia stopped in her tracks, staring at the woman before her. What was Kanan thinking? What song was this? She couldn’t interrupt it, though, could she? There was a passion behind it, and to interrupt that was absolutely sinful. Kanan looked downward as she sang the next part, a certain sadness overcoming her nerves. 

 

_ “She could never understand _

_ To hate myself for this outcome is silly _

_ And yet Mari still acts as if it's not a reality _

_ Let's check her mind for a second _

_ I can promise it's better than mine” _

 

Mari almost felt offended by this, but allowed her friend to proceed. What lies was Kanan spewing about her? Nothing good was the only thing she could think. Why was she calling her out like this? 

 

_ “So can you take my hand _

_ Bring me to a better world _

_ Where we could be together, forever _

_ And if you wait for me _

_ In this everlasting tragedy _

_ Maybe you will see in me  _

_ What we ought to be” _

 

Kanan had to stop for a moment, pausing the music to wipe tears from her face. She wasn’t going to stop, though. She had a song to finish, after all. 

 

_ “The pain of what seems like a century _

_ Of a disaster waiting _

_ Because you are what keeps me going _

_ And she's the longing breath _

_ Of a thousand years _

_ That I could never forget” _

 

How can someone sing these lyrics and not mean them? It’s a thought Dia was having, as the more that was being sang, the more she felt the words only held facts behind them. What was Kanan saying, exactly? Was this about yesterday? 

 

_ “I can never imagine a life without you in it _

_ But then again, it's complicated _

_ A life without her is one I don't want to be in _

_ I have to choose, yet the choice is never ending _

_ I cannot betray what the voice inside my head says _

_ It's an impossible world where we cannot arrange this _

_ And yet the voice still bares my fears  _

 

_ She's a star in this universe _

_ While you are the happy ending  _

_ But what is a happy ending if it's not complete? _

_ It's not the same” _

 

All her fears were shown to every single person there. Her inside feelings, the things she didn’t reveal on usual days. It was exposing, and yet she was so happy to finally say it. How else was she to get through? Even with her two childhood friends staring at her with those tear-filled eyes, she couldn’t stop till the very end. 

 

_ “Oh, Dia, please _

_ Why won't you just forget it? _

_ I was a hero, but the cost was not worth it _

_ I saved people, but the memories still remain with you _

_ It tears at you, and it tears at Mari, too _

_ I'm the martyr of this darkness _

_ And you both are my shining light _

_ One cannot be without the other _

 

_ Mari, _

_ My sunshine _

_ My light in those dark days _

_ Where we mourned all day _

_ Till we couldn't find our own way _

_ Don't go; please stay _

_ One day we'll get our ending _

_ Dia is what we have, and all we'll need” _

 

Kanan threw her arms out, searching both of them desperately for some sort of response to her sadness. With that, she couldn’t find closure in silence. So she sang on. 

 

_ “So for one last time _

_ Mari, take my hand _

_ Bring me to a better world _

_ Where we could all be together _

_ And if Dia waits for us _

_ In this everlasting tragedy _

_ Maybe she will see _

_ The future that lies within us _

_ I won't leave until we get it” _

 

They both ran into her arms, sobbing as she continued to sing with the everlasting emotions overflowing within her. 

 

_ “For others this may seem strange, unnatural _

_ Three is quite a crowd for lonesome lovers _

_ Despite that, I couldn't care _

_ Because what we share is unlike the others _

_ We have a bond people merely dream of _

 

_ Love is no longer a discussion between us _

_ Let's act fast and think things through _

_ I know love is where this is heading _

_ So let that bring to you _

_ A friendship between us that is unfit to you _

_ I know you are aware of these feelings” _

 

Kanan backs away to look at both of them, speaking the last line of her song rather than singing it. “So this is from me to you.” She pulled them in close again, crying into them as she clung on. What else could she do? She felt like she’s been renewed, as if a single song could maybe convince them to love her more than a friend. She had high hopes for this, she really wanted this to work. 

 

“Kanan? Do you mean it?” Mari asks, both girls awaiting an answer from her. The pressure was on, and she found it a bit unfair. Shouldn’t they confess their heart out? 

 

“Yes! Absolutely!” She cries, grabbing their hands. “Please listen to me! This doesn’t have to be wrong!” She was pleading now, asking for a change. 

 

And yet, it was met with the same shamefulness. Dia had turned away, shaking her head. At this point Kanan found it humorous, but also distasteful. Weird how that works together. “That is all sinful, the stuff you are saying.” She made a point to cover her face, not even looking at the three girls around her. What was sinful? Could love ever be considered a sin? 

 

“Dia,” Mari says, a whimper escaping her. An everlasting question was if Dia could accept the feelings that she knew were there all along. Was it so unlikely that three people could love each other? 

 

“No! Stop playing with my feelings like this!” She turned back around, stomping in front of Kanan in white anger. Nothing could be more pure than this, no other feeling can overcome the betrayal that coursed through Dia’s veins. She went to grab Kanan, but she held Dia’s wrists and pulled her in so they were face-to-face. 

 

“What feelings, Dia? The feelings you have for me? For us?” She wanted to get mad, she wanted to be pissed, but she knew that Dia only felt trapped. Her childhood spoke for itself, Kanan had seen some of the things her parents had done, heard the cruel words uttered by them whenever her or Mari would eat over. 

 

“There are no feelings!” She shouts, trying to push her away. Kanan had doubt, though, as she didn’t hear Dia in these words. No, she heard her parents. The constant chant of there being no love in the trio, the taunting they held sacred just for them. What other things could be said about it other than it was wrong? 

 

“Don’t lie to me!” She doesn’t want to hear it, she won’t stand for it nor against it. She had nothing to say about the empty words leaving Dia. “I don’t care what your parents think of this! We’re dead now, Dia! We aren’t living! If they are still holding a grudge against two girls who tried to save their daughter then that is their problem!” Her grip tightened, she was getting angrier the more she spoke of it. She lost her life for Dia, for Mari, for all of Aquors. Dia’s parents were still speaking this nonsense? 

 

“Loving more than one person isn’t possible!” 

 

“Says who? Them?” Kanan is taunting, in a way. She was tired, so tired of her parents intervening on this. So what if they wanted to be more than friends? What’s the big deal? It’s none of their business. It’s not like they pay any attention to their daughters, anyway. “We will make this a reality! We will overcome society with the amount of love we hold for one another!” It will never be enough. Dia tried to push her away, but she resisted. 

 

“Dia, listen to her,” Mari says, trying to convince her to calm down. 

 

“You can’t control me!” 

 

“Your feelings can!” Kanan shouts, pressing their noses together. “Tell me that you don’t feel the same!” A simple demand, but one that Dia cannot meet. Lying to her face would be unlike a Kurosawa, and would put dirt on their honor. In all her respect, she could not dishonor her family like that. Lying is much more sinful than the crime she is about to commit. 

 

Dia couldn’t find it in herself to care. 

 

She lunged forward, trapping Kanan in a kiss. It was passionate, seemingly spiritual in a humorous way. They sank into it, Kanan’s shoulders falling at the very touch of their lips. Did Dia kiss her? Is she currently still going? The answer was yes, and Kanan, in her moment of bliss, ran her hands down Dia’s sides to land on her hips, bringing the woman closer into her. Dia’s hands searched for something, running over the other woman for every inch she was worth. Was it considered desperate? 

 

She almost couldn’t contain herself, the temptation to push Dia against the nearest object and go at her with everything she’s got. She wanted to, so very much, but she had far too much respect for her and the other two girls to do that. Instead, she eventually pulled away and smiled at one of the two women she loves. 

 

“Dia-” She was cut off by a sneak attack from Mari, who ran in and grabbed Dia, kissing her forcefully yet in a gentle manner. She put her all into it, lifting Dia up and swinging her around as they intertwined. 

 

Kanan looked over at Ruby, nodding at her. Ruby was proud of them, it looked like. What else was she to feel in this moment? There could only be happiness in such a heartfelt scene. 

 

When they pulled away, the three looked over one another. What else was there to say? 

 

“I love you,” Dia says, a shaky smile appearing on her face. We all smile back. 

 

“I love you, too.” Kanan then glances at Mari. “You as well, I guess.” 

 

“Hey!” yells Mari, offended. “What the fuck!” 

 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Kanan pulls Mari in for a kiss, patting her head. “I love both of you equally.” 


End file.
